For the Heck of it...

Sometimes i want to post just for the heck of it and that's what today is. I don't have anything particularly specific to say so i might do a little rambling.
I got to go home this past weekend for part of a missions conference. I loved seeing everybody but i get really frustrated that my time is always so short and i always manage to leave somebody out or say the wrong thing. My friend Amanda, who is going to Spain for a couple of years, was speaking and i got to introduce her and pray for her twice. I think i am starting to get a tiny tiny bit more comfortable being up in front of people. For some reason a classroom full of junior high students is way more intimidating than a sanctuary full of all ages, or a fellowship hall full of women.
I think i am scared that i might be called to the mission field. I say scared not because i am not willing to go, but i think i am less willing to give up such ready access to friends and family and comfort. Which makes me take a look at my heart and realize i am not fully trusting and delighting in God.
On the flipside i could also see myself doing youth ministry long term (maybe) or working with young, scared, pregnant women; or doing ministry to battered women and children. Any way you look at it i feel that i am called to some type of ministry. It's just a matter of what it will look like.

I have had to face a couple hard things in the recent past (as in the last couple weeks)--one with a dearly loved friend, and one with a dearly loved student in my youth group. I've realized that there can be joy in anguish. In both cases i was driven to my knees before the Lord, helpless to do anything without His strength. In both cases i had hard things to say and a fear of how they would be received. In both cases, even when i was miserable about what it might mean for me, i found a peace that GOd is in control and that He can use me even when my words are too many, or my words are wrong. He is sovereign! (not that it takes away my responsibility but it sure lightens the weight on my shoulders).

On a much lighter note, i got my haircut this weekend and i am in a love-hate relationship with it. sometimes i love it and sometimes it drives me crazy. If i wasn't so self-conscious i would seriously consider shaving it all off.

I would like to say Happy Birthday to my friend Damien! Now his birthday was actually yesterday--but i am not totally behind because another friend and i drove to Atlanta yesterday and went to lunch with him to celebrate. We had fun, I hope you did Damien!!!!!!!!!! I think i have a picture of you that i am going to try to post now if i can find it and that will be the end of this very long post...